PAUSE
AS: Well, of course it's hurting his tinkle-thing, Dewy!
He's being hung from a tree by insane post-apocalyptic
Catholics!
LQ: Wow.
AS: So it's gonna hurt. And goddam it, Jeff--I don't want
your face to show anything! You're the fucking hero for
fuck's sake! Be impervious, be untouched! You will hang
from that tree from your tinkle-thing and show no
emotion at all!
OT: (quietly) I don't think that'll be a problem.
AS: What, Orv?
OT: I was saying there's no problem.
AS: Of course there isn't. Good! So I assume you're using
the right lens.
OT: Which lens would that be, Alsk?
AS: Well...um...that big one. Over there. Yeah. The round
thick one.
OT: This one?
LQ: (giggles) It looks like a glass diaphragm.
AS: A WHAT?
OT: Calm down, Alsk--its the right lens. It's a really
GOOD lens.
AS: Of course it is! Okay, okay--Linnea?
LQ (giggles) Yes, Alan?
AS: While Jeff hangs from the tree there, I want you to
slowly strip, and taunt him with your breasts...you know.
LQ: Wha?
The sound of whispering.
LQ: Oh, right. But Alan, his eyes!
AS: What about his eyes?
LQ: They're like, you know--weird! Too blue! Like
someone stuck blue marbles in his head. I don't want
marbles staring at my tits!
JF: Hey! Fuck you, you little moon-dancing who--
OOUUCCHHH!
AS: Careful with that truss, Eugene.
(Transciber's note: it is assumed that Smithee made this
remark to on-set efx man, Benson Stit)
AS: Look, Linnea: he's the fucking savior of your people!
Show some skin for Chrissakes.
LQ: I still think his eyes are creepy.
AS: Saviours often have weird eyes; it's a savior thing.
JF: Um...Alan?
AS: Oh God, more truss problems?
JF: No.
AS: Well, what is it? The light's all to shit, we have 30 set-ups left? What?
PAUSE
JF: I gotta pee.
-- Grey Zone 1