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Posted by Jason on November 24, 1999 at 02:58:44:
The question why did Nik kill himself lingers. Some possibles: - it's none of our business - his life was going well, he was happy but had enough
[stop the world I want to get off or quit while you are ahead scenario] - he was dead drunk and fell into a deep and frightening blind substance induced depression, aggravated by an earlier drinking/medical problem history. But in this state he was simply too impatient - anyone he would have had the slighest contact with at the at period would have likely prevented this happening. Just the few day previous I also felt something wrong/mysterious rather - something not right but impossible to place it...I gather Arleen had strong intuition about something wrong and tried to intervene, but was rejected of course. - In some visionary state of mind he saw something ahead in his life which was worse, and which he could not face, perhaps some terrible painful illness, possibly connected with a dangerously vulnerable liver condition and decided to get off here and now. Det Cinalli told me "death was virtually instantaneous and painless". As such his suicide could be seen as an courageous and decisive act. Nik was highly intelligent and had an acute sense of timing. - In an even more advanced visionary state of mind he saw something about his life and place in time-space existence and found a moment to slip out and not return. Life is for the living and death is for the dead. In this version, his suicide is a kind of giant super 'meatball' event [R.Crumb: Zap0] inducing shock sadness loss and then subsequently creative inspiration in friends and others as they reflect on the unexpectedness + the need to do channel positive energy. One's life is one's art etc. I actually feel it a subtle combination of all of these.. Despite personal shock, loss and grief and despite the seeming violence of the act, since we heard the news, both Tok-Song and I also feel some other strange kind of susatined deep peace connected with Nik's death/departure. His note said "no regrets"
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