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Posted by Jason on November 24, 1999 at 02:58:44:
The question why did Nik kill himself lingers. Some possibles: - it's none of our business - his life was going well, he was happy but had enough
[stop the world I want to get off or quit while you are ahead scenario] - he was dead drunk and fell into a deep and frightening blind substance induced depression, aggravated by an earlier drinking/medical problem history. But in this state he was simply too impatient - anyone he would have had the slighest contact with at the at period would have likely prevented this happening. Just the few day previous I also felt something wrong/mysterious rather - something not right but impossible to place it...I gather Arleen had strong intuition about something wrong and tried to intervene, but was rejected of course. - In some visionary state of mind he saw something ahead in his life which was worse, and which he could not face, perhaps some terrible painful illness, possibly connected with a dangerously vulnerable liver condition and decided to get off here and now. Det Cinalli told� me "death was virtually instantaneous and painless". As such his suicide could be seen as an courageous and decisive act. Nik was highly intelligent and had an acute sense of timing. - In an even more advanced visionary state of mind he saw something about his life and place in time-space existence and found a moment to slip out and not return. Life is for the living and death is for the dead. In this version, his suicide is a kind of giant super 'meatball' event [R.Crumb: Zap0] inducing shock sadness loss and� then subsequently creative inspiration in friends and others as they reflect on the unexpectedness + the need to do channel� positive energy. One's life is one's art etc. I actually feel it a subtle combination of all of these.. Despite personal shock, loss and grief and despite the seeming violence of the act, since we heard the news, both Tok-Song and I also feel some other strange kind of susatined deep peace connected with Nik's death/departure. His note said "no regrets"
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